A Sweet, Comforting Moment

The other night I was rocking Aili to sleep, and singing her songs. I usually sing primary songs, especially when I'm trying to calm her. (I sing myself primary songs when I try to calm my brain when going to sleep too.) I was singing to her A Child's Prayer, it has always been one of my favorites. I was just singing along not thinking much about what I was singing when I got to the part that says, "You are His child, His love now surrounds you." I got all choked up and teary eyed. At that moment I just really realized how true that was. I really felt His love. In that moment I really felt it was true for my sweet baby, but it is true for all of us. I really felt this strong feeling that she was a child of God, and that he loves her so much. She is so special. I just pictured Him wrapping his arms around her, loving her, and comforting her.

I know He is constantly with her during her hard times, and that he is always sending his love for her when she is in pain and going through the difficult things she has been through. And I know he will be there for her when she gets her surgery. Which is a really comforting thought for me. I'm so, so, so incredible scared for that day. I just think about it and start crying. I know it is what is best for her, and that it will help her. I know that the best surgeon who could be doing it is going to be doing it. She will be in the best hands. But whenever I think about it I picture her little body on that operating table, and my heart just breaks. I just don't want her to have to go through that, not at 3 months old, not ever. I don't want her to feel pain, or be scared.

You definitely appreciate and understand a lot more when you become a parent. You better understand God's love for Jesus and really how hard it must have been to see him suffer, and have to let it happen. I'm really grateful to be Aili's mom. She is amazing and I know she has an amazing life ahead of her. She has already made our little family stronger. One day at a time, that is what I have to tell myself, or I get way overwhelmed. Everything is going to be okay.