Being a Mom

I can't believe she is already sitting up by herself. They really do grow way too fast.

Being a mom so far....is awesome. I don't think anyone can really ever explain to you how wonderful it is until you experience it for yourself. I was quite terrified really to become a mother. I just didn't know if I had it in me to do it, and be good at it. I knew I wasn't the most patient person...so I was worried.

While I was pregnant I got lots of comments that Chris was going to be a great father. And I completely agreed. He was going to be an amazing father, I knew that for sure. I never worried about him being an great father, but I worried about me being a great mother. To be honest...I don't know if it was the hormones or what, but it started hurting my feelings that everyone was saying how great he was going to be, but not how great I was going to be. I think I probably cried about that a couple times. Maybe it was because they weren't sure, just like I was not sure. I hope now that they would say I was a great mother. I don't really want them to tell me if they think otherwise.

Because I am what I call a realist or what others call a pessimist. I put into my mind that this whole motherhood thing was going to be quite awful and really, really hard. I didn't want to fluff it up in my head and then be let down and brought back to reality once the baby came. I had asked a lot of people after they had their first baby if it was harder, easier, or about how they expected it to be. Most people said it was harder.

It's really quite interesting how once the baby comes your motherly instincts just come. You just figure things out. I realize now that all the stress that you feel before is quite unnecessary, thought totally normal. You really just take it one day at a time, and you slowly figure it all out. You learn, that baby learns, and everything just works out. You don't all of a sudden know everything right when the baby is born, and you don't need to.

I'm happy to say that it is about what I expected, maybe even a little easier than I expected....minus the whole my baby has a heart defect, and needs a 13 hour open heart surgery part. That was really, really, really, REALLY hard. I'm just talking about the everyday taking care of a baby aspect of it. Sure I get really tired sometimes....but really its quite wonderful. I just look at little Aili's face and I seriously want to cry because she is so beautiful, and my heart feels like it's going to explode, because I didn't know that I was capable of so much love. How can one little thing do that to you? I ask her pretty much on a daily basis if she knows how much I love her, then I either say, or think, no you don't, and you won't til you have a baby of your own.

She's so beautiful and has changed our lives forever. We love you Aili; more than you can ever imagine!